This weekend we went camping. If you know me at all, you will know that I absolutely HATE camping. I don't like getting dirty, I don't like bugs, I don't like sleeping on the ground, and now, I don't like fighting with people that I can't get away from.
It all started innocently enough. My good friend R wanted to go camping over the weekend. I haven't been in 3 or so years because the last time she wanted to go, there was snow on the ground and I was so freaking cold. Now, it's August, there's no snow and it was relatively warm enough, so even though my foot is still broken and I'm still wearing a walking boot, I thought what the hell.
Camping started being absolutely no fun before we even left. I printed out a checklist to make sure we had everything we/I needed. My boyfriend J thought I was crazy because the list was ridiculously long and kept fighting me on getting everything ready. We were intending on leaving around 1pm and didn't get on the road until 3pm. Ugh.
R picked a place to camp that was a million miles from anythng resembling civilized life. Ok, not really, but it was a good 40 miles from the closest town on the main highway and 17 miles down dirt roads. We had absolutely no cell reception and you had to drive at least 30 minutes to hope to get one bar of service. I don't know about you, but that makes me super nervous in regards to emergencies. Poor J started to feel sick on Saturday night and was having trouble breathing. He started having a panic attack that led to even more labored breathing and we almost left in the middle of the night.
Anyway, so we get to the campsite (FINALLY!) and set everything up. It's all going pretty well, and as the only guy on the trip, J started finding wood to chop up for the fire. R and her friend K were already there and were apparently not pleased with J's choice in logs to chop. Cue insulting jabs incident #1.
I need to back up and say that we decided to do dinners and breakfasts cooperatively. R took Friday night dinner, K had Saturday breakfast, J & I had Saturday dinner and my best friend D (who wasn't able to come up until Saturday night - more on that later) had Sunday breakfast. J and I made ribs, chicken, corn on the cob and bloomin' onion bread for dinner. R brought hot dogs (which J does NOT eat), K brought bagels, D brought giant breakfast burritos. We never talked about how extravagant meals should be, but am I the only one who sees the disparity between ribs and hot dogs? Breakfast burritos and bagels? I think that's more petty than anything but whatever.
Anyway, so Jeremy ended up cooking himself some chicken wings on Friday night because he needed something to eat. Saturday morning, the bagels were ok, but it wasn't really filling/satisfying food. I ended up snacking A LOT to compensate.
Saturday night rolls around. D still hadn't made it to the campsite and because no one had service, no one knew what was happening. Two others (C and L) had made it VERY late the night before because they got lost and L had forgotten her bag with all her clothes in it. D was supposed to be able to pick it up from her car and bring it (L had called OnStar to have her car unlocked) but the car was locked. D waited around for about 2 hours to see if the car would unlock and finally just left without her clothes. Suprisingly, she got a bit of crap for not stopping at Walmart or whatever to grab underwear and a pair of sweatpants for L. Really???
We made our dinner on Saturday night and I was super excited about it. There were 2 completely uncooked racks of ribs, 3 pieces of chicken, corn on the cob and onion bread to make. Needless to say, it took awhile to cook everything and J was doing pretty much all of it. We only had the fire and our tiny grill to use so things went in stages. The bigger rack of ribs was done first, then the onion bread, then the corn, then the chicken, then the smaller rack of ribs. We were stalling to make sure that D had warm food when she got there. R and K made the snidest remarks (well, I'm not eating THAT, I don't know when you were planning on cooking the fucking corn because it's going to take awhile, etc.) and both ended up not eating any of the ribs or chicken. Even C who refused to participate in the cooperative food plan was grateful and excited when I offered some ribs to her because we obviously had more than enough. Lots of eye rolling, lots of insulting jabs, lots of attitude. It was the most ungrateful, snotty display I think I have ever seen.
Sometime in the middle of all this, we discovered my car's battery was dead. As soon as D got there, J moved the firewood so she could pull up next to my car and jump start it. Apparently this was totally unnecessary in R and K's eyes. Needing a working vehicle in case of emergency is stupid, right? Not to mention the fact that by this time, we had had just about enough and would have just left altogether if we weren't waiting for D. R turns to me in the middle of all of this and said, "He has to jump it NOW? (Insert disgusted noise here.) Just so you know, I am NEVER going camping with J again."
It was pretty much all downhill from there. I didn't talk much to R or K because I was afraid that at any second, I would go off on them. My stomach kind of hurt from the ribs (damn you, lack of gallbladder!) so I wasn't drinking much. I was exhausted from not sleeping much the night before and all I really wanted to do was go to sleep so I could get up and go home in the morning.
It rained pretty much all weekend and it was cold. And dirty. And uncomfortable, physically and socially. And expensive.
I told J that the next time we go camping, it must be in a cabin. With plumbing. And a store and a hospital nearby. And none of those people (besides D) there.
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